This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
