I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.