i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
