The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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