i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
