i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
