So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are two peas in an std pod
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
