Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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