I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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