Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
