How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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