Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
