Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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