Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
