ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
