I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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