we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
