Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
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i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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