Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
