i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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