I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
