Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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