I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
