Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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