i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
