I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
