Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
