The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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