6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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