No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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