It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
where am i from again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
