I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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