he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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