five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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