I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
