The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
