Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
