dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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