Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
