My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
