Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
