***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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