I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
