see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
