Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
two words...techno handjob
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
