I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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