The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
