He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
its liver damage thursday
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
