She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
