You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
