You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
