I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
