You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
