I wish I only lived at night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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