if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
