Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
