you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
