everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
