I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
