brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
