Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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