i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
