Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
