I think my fart just growled at me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
