As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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