Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
