No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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