I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
