You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's blow job season.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
