I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
