She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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