omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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