i think my tv is drunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
