I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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