Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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